I have calmed down somewhat since my last post (which had to be the case with a marathon migraine and ongoing meds that make my hands go numb and my brain shut down). Over the last several days I have caught on to a couple different facts that had been eluding me from behind a bush. Number one, and maybe I was just in denial about this one, I have to sit out the beer drinking sessions. This is really hard, as it's probably my favorite social thing to do, having a 'cold beer' with a friend. Nothing bonds two people more than a frosty alcoholic beverage in most any setting, including the breezeway, the lakeshore, a friend's living room, a friend's front porch, Hokie tailgate... wherever. Everyone that knows me knows that I drink "weird beer", as KR calls it and I always keep a strict limit of three, no matter the occasion. It's just safer that way. But I've noticed, well duh, even one swallow of certain beers (we'll take Miller Lite as an example) nearly immediately makes my life a living hell for the next day or so. I just haven't been smart enough to say, "No thanks, I'm going to drink just water for this visit." Some people love chocolate. Some love wine. I like both of those things but I'm certain that a good, cold beer ranks right up there at the top for me. So I need to really think about my priorities here. I've already given up most foods with color dyes in them, most auspiciously the cake icing I keep running into everywhere. I tried cutting back on caffeine by cutting out Cokes all together, yet I've doubled my coffee intake so I'm not real successful there either. I'm trying to get more sleep but football games come on so darn late and I become personally vested in them somehow. OR I get sucked into whatever book I'm reading. Beer, check; caffeine, check; sleep, check, food dyes, check... there's a lot to keep straight here. Oh and don't get me started on the hormones and the barometer...
Second, after my last post, I'd like to say that, although I can't retract my earlier statements, my situation is not quite as bad as I imagined them to be. Chris is right in his statement that I very very often look for the worst in any situation before it even manifests (okay, I paraphrased, I don't think he uses the word manifest). The point is, I go off the deep end before there's really a reason to do so. Granted the day I wrote it was a really bad day, there were noises and distractions I'm not used to having around while I'm working. All I could think was, "I can't go months and months with this going on, I'll never be able to focus." Being constantly distracted at home, without any hope of coherency, is bad enough. Do I really have to suffer all day with this level of distraction at work too? But as it turns out, I'm coping quite well and it's not nearly as bad as I feared it would be. And as a wise friend said to me yesterday, "it usually never is." Preconceptions are a tricky thing. Sometimes you set yourself up for total disappointment and disaster and sometimes you set yourself up for a nice surprise.
Third, I never come out the front door unless we have a visitor ring the bell. Yesterday when a neighbor lady stopped in to ring the bell, I was horrified that 4 frostbitten ferns and 2 rotting jackolanterns still resided there on my front porch. Oops. I took care of those babies this evening when I got home from work.
News: El and Ese were Baptized last Sunday which makes them full-on Episcopalian, while their parents continue to drift along as spiritual mutts so to speak. But it's all good, I guess. All that matters is our love for God and His acceptance of us. Period.
Ese had won her class spelling bee a couple weeks ago and confident she would easily win the grade level, she would not study any of the Scripps word lists. She appeared in my office doorway this afternoon in tears as her hopes of winning the grade level bee had been dashed. I remember this feeling oh so well, except when I competed in the school-wide bee as a child, I got my word wrong in front of the whole darn school (at least that's how I remember it). She was only humiliated in front of maybe 5 people. What could I do other than hug my sweet child and tell her how proud I was of her that she at least won in her class? I let her skip a few minutes of her dreaded P.E. class, that helped a bunch! She's been in the bed with me working her Lite Brite, making up her little designs while El is on the other side of the bed snuggled up with ShuShu and JumpHippie, snoring away. Life is pretty perfect at this very moment. I feel very good, my girls are here with me, and after a night of sleeplessness for Mr.B, he's happily dozing on the couch. Right now, I think all four of us are happy as little (insert appropriate simile here).
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