An attempt at making sense of it.

I like to say that children are jewels, precious gems.  Some people are called "diamonds in the rough" and while this seems cliche, there is some truth in it.  Because I have an affinity for pearls, I tend to look at my own children as such.  It isn't because they begin as irritants and end as beautiful works of an oyster.  It is akin to being a "diamond in the rough".  They are literal grit, softened and beautified over time, and having many, many formative layers.
People, in a general sense, are continual works in progress, being slowly tumbled, tried, and polished until they are perfected in the eyes of those who love them.  But they are loved all along.  If a child is perfected long before we expect it in our own minds, does that mean the work is over and they can be safely tucked away in the Master's pocket?  Or does that stone become somehow flawed or crushed under some unseen pressure?  If my precious stones were to be snatched from me, I would no doubt go through the various stages of anger, doubt and resentment toward the One who gifted me with them.

This is where my mind is right now as I think about our young people in the wake of another loss.

What causes some of these gems and pearls to break, and to break too soon?  What does a parent go through in trying to comprehend such loss?  What questions do their friends, family members, teachers, and other supportive people ask themselves during a time like this?  I can think of a thousand 'what-ifs' and 'why-didn't-I's",  many of which I have already heard uttered by the anguished.  It is so easy to fall into a mire of guilt and regret, as a by-product of utter sadness.

And of course, "where is God?"

In an effort to sort through this, I wanted to look to the scriptures for some semblance of an answer and also offer it to you.

Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.  -John 17:17

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  -1 Peter 5:8

What parent doesn't inevitably blame him or herself for tragedies that befall their children?  I know I would. "What didn't I do?" "Where did we go wrong?"  "Did I not love enough?"  The torture of one's own soul has the potential to consume entirely.  But look at what Peter says; we are all fighting the enemy.  There is spiritual warfare going on all around us; we don't see it, but it exists.  

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.                -Ephesians 6:12

I do believe that God is there in that moment and that he remains in control; however, every person has his own battle against despair and discouragement, and is his own moral agent.  And thus that person's cross to bear is transferred to others...all those people who love him take up this cross of despair and sadness.  We have to give it to Jesus.

May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones. -1 Thessalonians 3:13

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. -Psalm 46:1

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort  -2 Corinthians 1:3

I pray for our Heavenly Father to wrap his arms of peace and comfort around this family and to love them and all the classmates and friends through this sad time.  

Briefly, what of this sweet soul who left too soon? Can he rest peacefully?  I hope so in my heart and I believe that God has great mercy.  Consider this from Paul's letter to the Romans:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus -Romans 8:1

Forgive me, please, if my words are no help, I am merely a lay-person attempting to make sense of this and find my own comfort.  If nothing else, I hope that the Words of the Scriptures bring about some peace in someone.  

Last evening, several pearls and their sweet mothers gathered in my home to support one another.  We didn't know how to help these young people, we knew not the words.  We only knew that they needed each other in that moment.  And I am so incredibly thankful for their youth pastor who came by to help them and us through the utter shock of what has occurred.  

Arielle, you are a blessing.  We thank God for you.

We thank God for all our precious gemstones and pearls and their bonds for each other.

We thank God for this sweet young man who was in our lives for such a brief moment.  

We pray for Comfort that only the Lord can provide for his family and friends.

That's all I have.  It's just love and sadness.  I guess the two will eternally go hand-in-hand in the same way that love and joy are also intermingled.  The three cannot be separated, and must be embraced as a whole.  But embracing this whole is made easier when embraced by our Master.

...ships

I realize as I have gotten older, that perhaps my introspection gets the better of me.  It seems to me that I have, all too often, allowed the possibility of vulnerability to keep me from moving forward.  The act of writing in a public space opens one up to vulnerability, which is less and less comfortable a zone once you begin to get too personal.  I live inside my head.  Whole conversations happen inside my skull.  If I'm caught doing it, and I seem to wear the process on my face, someone might ask, "what are you thinking?"  Because I often wear migraine headaches on my face as well, I am often tempted to fall back on that as an answer.  Typically, though, I feign some empty thought.

"Oh, I just have a lot on my mind."
"...just looking at this."
"Well thinking about what I need to do next."

What's the truth...and this is the funny part...I'm usually wondering about relationships.

Readers here might be able to understand why I might avoid giving up a truth.  After all, it is possible that most people find themselves stuck in a loop and when snapped out of it by an intrusion, realize how absurd thoughts can become if left to their own devices.  You heard me right, our thoughts have minds of their own.

But I digress.

Relationships.  Just having them leaves you naked and afraid.  When a relationship flags,  you find yourself wondering so many things.
What did I do wrong?  Did I say something hurtful?  Was I being weird and uncomfortable again?
You find yourself becoming defensive in your own head.  At some point, apathy sets in.
Communication, or lack thereof, seems to breed apathy.  And trust me when I say, I know something about lack of communication.  When you consider what I do for a living, my reluctance to talk doesn't make a lot of sense.  I like to say I'm reticent, which is better than being outright antisocial.  But you see, I'm just making excuses for the fact that I am notoriously bad at making small talk.  This is a problem, since apparently, relationships of all kinds, depend upon some level of small talk.  Pointless prattle between individuals who are working hard at passing the time and filling the air with words.

When one enters into a new friendship, there is so much to learn about that person; the conversation never seems to lag, right?  Then, at some point, it does begin to lag.  But why? Did the parties cease being curious about one another?  Did engaging suddenly become too taxing?

My husband and I agree on this: Most relationships exist for a time to serve a purpose.  Once that purpose has been fulfilled, much less effort is expended and the relationship stands to lose ground.  Despite what I have heard to the contrary, a true friendship requires work and effort.  In our technology-based, social networking society, work and effort seem diminished.  I don't mean to say that timely relationships have no value.  They have much value; some even save lives, and I appreciate each person whose path has crossed mine.  I suppose, the hard part is the lament over lost friendships.  Once a person is in my life with less of a presence or with less frequency, the person tends to become a work of fiction in a way.  The memory of what was seems a little sweeter, making an evening without a friend a little more painful.

But the worst pain, is to invest your heart in a person; to really love a friend, only to lose them to a death.  Giving of yourself as a friend, a daughter or son, a spouse, a parent, and then having to say an eternal goodbye can change you.  It will change you.  You cannot help this because a thread has been pulled from your fabric, and your pattern has been altered forever.  You wonder why you ever endeavored to weave this person into your existence.  You would never have to hurt, if only you hadn't loved.

This, of course, is not reality.  Most of us need to experience the joy of relationships, even if it leaves us open to annoyance, pain, and vulnerability.  In the end, the process is worth it.  My mother always said that, at any moment, you can count your real friends on one hand, and that is being generous.  She knew that all relationships come to an end.  Indeed, she was my best friend.  Alas, I could no more keep her with me than I could eat cheese from the moon.

With those rambling notions exposed for the world, I toast each of those past, present and future relationships.  We may have quit on one another. We may have become too busy to stay in touch.  One party, perhaps discarded by the other.  Purpose fulfilled.  Some endings not yet written.  Some ties going strong.  Others barely hanging on.  Some lacking depth.  Others hungry for more.

I never do how to wrap these things up.  Let's leave it as this: If you have yourself to give to another human, even for the briefest moment, it may just be the meaningful gift that human needs at that moment.  Who are we to deprive one another of love?

Peace