Chameleon

My new thing this fall is Lake Country Chorale. I wanted to sing with a group, other than a church choir. The trouble with singing in a church choir, I can't focus on the church part. I can't sit perched in front of a congregation, keeping up with the message and prayers, all while thinking "I gotta get this song right in a minute" But to join a chorale, where the sole purpose is to sound great, is hopefully more right up my alley.

This morning, I met with the director for 'vocal placement' at her house. So the house was a renovated farmhouse with elegant furnishings including family heirlooms. I was of course in my usual sloppy splendor of a holey t-shirt and shorts, complete with flip flops, and feeling a bit out of place like a 15 year old in a room full of adults. The director has her face on and dressed nicely because she's probably got something important to do later, while I'm just going out to buy tomato cages and dig some holes for pyracantha bushes. I can't help but feel slightly self-conscious, as usual, because I am underdressed and underdone, as usual. After she heard me sing, I don't think she much cared how I happened to look on this day. "Thank goodness," I think to myself, as she says "You are a SOLID alto, I'm so glad you came to see me!" and she meant it, I know because that's one area in which I'm fairly confident- I can help fill out an alto section. I say chameleon because, I had a girlfriend once call me a chameleon. She said I could fit in pretty much anywhere, I'm not sure if it's true, but I was way less self-conscious once we found the common thing. I guess that's how it always is in most situations; the common thing makes it happen. But should I care about not always being dressed to fit my surroundings? God help my husband if he ever wants a society wife. I'm not sure I can be that much of a chameleon. I don't shop well or dress well. I don't mindlessly chat well either. I don't fake smile well either. In situations where I'm face to face with 'prattlers', I find myself getting so stuck on one or two statements and dissecting them for genuine intelligence or opinion. I become introversive, less talkative, and weird. I may be caught with an amused smile and probably mocking someone or something inside my own head. But in living inside my head, I miss a lot. I'm so non-observant and many times, I'm not listening. That makes it more difficult to blend in, I guess; unless no one else is listening, in which case I blend in beautifully.

At any rate, I'm happy, that for today, I got over myself, did my thing, and the outcome was good. I am looking forward to starting practice and getting to know other members of the chorale. I guess I will at least leave my holey shirts in my drawer for practice ;)