Chameleon

My new thing this fall is Lake Country Chorale. I wanted to sing with a group, other than a church choir. The trouble with singing in a church choir, I can't focus on the church part. I can't sit perched in front of a congregation, keeping up with the message and prayers, all while thinking "I gotta get this song right in a minute" But to join a chorale, where the sole purpose is to sound great, is hopefully more right up my alley.

This morning, I met with the director for 'vocal placement' at her house. So the house was a renovated farmhouse with elegant furnishings including family heirlooms. I was of course in my usual sloppy splendor of a holey t-shirt and shorts, complete with flip flops, and feeling a bit out of place like a 15 year old in a room full of adults. The director has her face on and dressed nicely because she's probably got something important to do later, while I'm just going out to buy tomato cages and dig some holes for pyracantha bushes. I can't help but feel slightly self-conscious, as usual, because I am underdressed and underdone, as usual. After she heard me sing, I don't think she much cared how I happened to look on this day. "Thank goodness," I think to myself, as she says "You are a SOLID alto, I'm so glad you came to see me!" and she meant it, I know because that's one area in which I'm fairly confident- I can help fill out an alto section. I say chameleon because, I had a girlfriend once call me a chameleon. She said I could fit in pretty much anywhere, I'm not sure if it's true, but I was way less self-conscious once we found the common thing. I guess that's how it always is in most situations; the common thing makes it happen. But should I care about not always being dressed to fit my surroundings? God help my husband if he ever wants a society wife. I'm not sure I can be that much of a chameleon. I don't shop well or dress well. I don't mindlessly chat well either. I don't fake smile well either. In situations where I'm face to face with 'prattlers', I find myself getting so stuck on one or two statements and dissecting them for genuine intelligence or opinion. I become introversive, less talkative, and weird. I may be caught with an amused smile and probably mocking someone or something inside my own head. But in living inside my head, I miss a lot. I'm so non-observant and many times, I'm not listening. That makes it more difficult to blend in, I guess; unless no one else is listening, in which case I blend in beautifully.

At any rate, I'm happy, that for today, I got over myself, did my thing, and the outcome was good. I am looking forward to starting practice and getting to know other members of the chorale. I guess I will at least leave my holey shirts in my drawer for practice ;)

Hey there, Sugabritches!

Above: First photo of my vacation. You know who it's for ;)

sigh...

The next person who says to me, "You should get those migraines checked out" is going to get punched in the face! Usually I try not to dabble in negativity this way, since vowing to stay positive in life; however, after spending much of the morning going through my medical bills, I can't help but wallow a little in my own billefffrreeeaaaaession (I made that word up as a modifier for how I feel).

Of course, I have decent insurance, it's one of the reasons I keep a job. But it's still not enough to give free reign on getting a diagnosis and treatment. This year, I've had my annual physical, a mammogram, a small procedure, and post op. The kids have had their typical kid stuff occurrences. Add up all that's left over after insurance has kicked in and you have a mortgage payment plus some...

If, at this time, I were to pursue the "Migraine workup" that everybody wants me to have, I'd be in the poorhouse faster than you can say 'headache' and I think the stress of paying all that off would give me one giant headache. I think for now, I have quite enough medical bills.

Looks like I'll be dependent on the Imitrex for a while longer. Let's be honest, migraines are debilitating, yes. But as long as I have a drug that knocks it out 85% of the time, I will continue to function. It's get the workup or pay the mortgage... I'll take my chances and keep the house.

I know if I pay the mortgage, I get to keep the house. My odds of curing my head are not as good even with the workup.

And then there's the expense of repairing our deluxe leaky shower... oi!

Good for nothing painful brain...

This is pretty much the view I've had all day, except for the brief visits to the kitchen for more pain meds and the other view consisting of the inside of my toilet bowl. Today has been no fun. It is now about 5:00 in the afternoon and this is the first time I have felt good enough to use a laptop. I hate it for my girls as they had dreams of Kinderton Pool dancing in their heads and they got a day of hanging around here with no real mom to help them with anything. Of course, they have made do fairly well. Let's see, they've played Wii, sprayed each other with the water hose, they attempted to use chocolate pudding in that trifling chocolate-kiss-maker, watched lots of iCarly, and waited on their pitiful mommy hand and foot. What a waste of a lovely summer day. 1 more day to get them packed for camp- the thought of it at this moment seems like a daunting task. In all honesty, I don't know when I have felt this bad. When a migraine makes you ralph your coke-a-cola, you know it's bad. Every time I've gotten out of this bed, the pain just goes shooting through the right side of my head from front to back. Lying down is the only tolerable position. As I'm typing this, I'm trying to be cognizant of typing errors, but I'm not in the best frame of mind...dear reader, you must forgive my typos!